Hi friends, I hope you are staying safe and giving lots of self-compassion during this pandemic. A reminder that there is no “right way” to do or feel during this… all we can do is love one another so please hold onto that especially those that are struggling with mental health challenges. Be gentle with yourself like you would be with a friend.
I recently enrolled in a creative writing class to explore more of my writing and today I had to write a paper and the subject was writing about something that I’ve taught myself to do. I decided to go a little deeper and talk about the inner work of self-trust. I wanted to share it with you because I think it would relate to so many and during this uncertain time trusting ourselves is so important, because our mind makes us doubt and give us so many reason not too. Despite those dark rabbit holes we can always go back to our values of why we push through those limiting beliefs and lean into that self trust. I hope this can bring you relief and comfort knowing you are never alone. OCD loves to make us feel that we are… but finding the power in ourselves during the really dark times is something that OCD can never and will never reach.
Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.
This quote I connected with and reminded me that this is a common humanity type of struggle. SELF TRUST. Little did I know when I started in my treatment this would be the root of my problems and was not going to be an easy tool to learn…it took me so much patience and self-compassion. Those two added another extra layer of resistance that I had to work through before I could even get to the self trust. Learning to love myself through it all when all I wanted was to get to the finish line right away. I had been living in a mental hell for so long all I wanted was to feel like myself again which all these feelings were completely valid and made sense but I soon realized the more I tried to force the process and try to gain certainty…the more unnecessary pain and suffering I was attributing to the situation. Finally I knew I had to surrender and trust the treatment team that was guiding me through and let them help me because I was tired of trying and doing it alone. I was quite hesitant to lean into my intuition and go inward but knew I needed to do this in order to stop this internal battle that I had for many years. Learning to have the awareness of my thoughts and emotions was so helpful and the first step into adding the trust aspect. This kind of work is something no one can prepare you for and is constant. Self-Trust is something that I’ve had to learn and completely incorporate into my life. In order to survive I needed to tap into this concept and dig deep into this emotional healing. For so long I have relied on others for their opinions and advice because I thought I was incapable of making the right ones. This concept served me nothing and only made me doubt my capabilities to move and process through difficult emotions. Unknowingly I was teaching myself that I couldn’t handle what life was throwing at me and that I couldn’t rely on myself for comfort and strength to move through the darkness of my mental health struggles. Through this inner-work and many months of resistance…I am slowly coming into my own and most importantly valuing myself and inner voice. I am finally showing up exactly as I am and wanting to share my words and truth with the world. Having self trust is vital and something that I need in my life if I want to move forward. This is something that we all need. Let’s not forget that when we are looking to others for that gratification…when all we really need to do is look within ourselves because we have the answers. It’s a disservice to ourselves to discredit our own mind and growth because damn we are worthy of it all.
OCD Diaries 