Healing.

I believe our world is hurting and healing simultaneously right now during the COVID-19 pandemic. When their is pain… comes true healing. 3 months into 2020 and many people are already wanting it to be over. What I hope and pray for is humanity to come together and love one another. When there is nothing to give… love is always there.  

I don’t think anyone could have ever imagined this happening. I know I never did. These times are confusing and scary. On top of it all there is so much UNCERTAINTY. As someone who lives with OCD part of living with this disorder is learning acceptance, and giving up control while continuing to do what I value in my life. During these times everyone is having to do that. Even for individuals who don’t have OCD. This is something that all of us are struggling with and trying to grasp. It gives everyone a glimpse of what it’s like for OCD sufferers and what we conquer and deal with on a daily basis. We have no control over what is going on around us, but we do have control over how we spend our days during this time of stillness and learning to just be. When we have no control that brings anxiety because I know for myself I love being in control. This time is forcing me to just sit with myself and not let my worth be defined by my productivity. Let me clarify…It’s forcing everyone to sit with their thoughts and feelings and I know that is not an easy thing to do.

CHANGE has been a big component in my and my families lives this year. I finished treatment on February 7th and it still feels like yesterday. The Houston OCD Program had always believed in me and truly saw me as Emily… and not my disorder.  I just had to learn and see that for myself.  They were my safe haven where I truly felt understood and that’s something I had never felt leading up to my treatment there. I’m very blessed to have found such a special place that I ultimately believe saved me. Our biggest loss was the passing of our beloved papa. He was our light… When his funeral was being planned I had asked my mom if I could write something for him. I wasn’t sure if I would actually go through with it and speak, but I did. The one thought that came through my mind was would I regret if I didn’t do it? and my immediate answer was yes. As long as I knew my intention was to do it for him. No one else. My goodness I’m so relieved I did. As painful as it was to loose the rock of our family… I believe going through treatment had led me to that moment and papa was right there with me. A huge piece of my treatment was learning to use my voice and that day I did just that. I had a moment yesterday on the phone with my mom and told her, “It’s just really hard being human and so much change has gone on…I’m really trying to be gentle with myself.” Let’s all be gentle to ourselves and each-other during this time. We need it now more than ever. Our world needs us to come together.

“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of you’re not alone.” -Brene Brown (My hero.)

I wanted to share this intimate image that was taken during my grandfather’s service. A moment I will never forget with my beautiful momma by my side. We love you papa.